In my previous entry, I explained what I feel to be a secret to enjoying life. Really, it's no secret. Many people have said it many ways. My way to say it is this: allow yourself to feel the moment you are in.
Not far from that line of thinking, I submit another.
I've been asked, "If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?"
My answer is always the same.
Many people will look back to a job opportunity that they passed up. Some will tell you a story of a failed romantic relationship. A lot of people will relate to a loved one lost. Sometimes people will start explaining about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. "I wish I said." "If I only would have done ___" " I just want them to know." " I would have been a great ____."
For me, my answer is always "nothing".
I really don't want to change anything about my life experience. Call me what you want: arrogant, privileged, inexperienced, oblivious, or blinded. You can argue that I'm wrong and that's "ok" with me. I simply believe that if anything had been different in my life up to this point, I actually wouldn't be at this point and I don't know at what point I would be.
Allow me to borrow from Marvel's Loki for a minute… In the Disney+ series Loki, the self-titled Asgardian God of Mischief discovers that the Saced Timeline (accepted/orchestrated recorded existence of all things for all time) is managed by the Time Variance Authority. This TVA scours the Timeline searching for activities or people that would cause the course of history to vary from the path set before it. Should the TVA discover an event that would alter history, their job is to go to that point in time and re-adjust the events and set the timeline back on course. Only the accepted past, present, and future will be allowed to remain. (There is much more. The show is fantastic. Watch it. I want more.)
I do approach my personal life in a similar perspective. I believe that I have come to where I am because literally millions of decisions have been made and the result of those decisions brought me to typing up words into my phone to post to a self named website. And I wouldn't be doing exactly what I am doing now if I had made different choices or someone else hadn't made their choices. There are more than just my choices involved. People I don't know have made choices today that affected me and brought me here. Expand that, there are people who made choices years before I was born that put into place the events that would lead to me being in this moment.
What if we changed those events?
I wouldn't be here.
Another timeline story to watch "11.22.63". This show staring James Franco and based off a Stephen King novel is an exciting thought experiment surrounding someone who was convinced they could go back in time to prevent the Kennedy assassination. A great story to enjoy!
There are so many moments in our life that bring us to where we are. Most of the moments that stick out in our mind as life defining moments could not be erased from our life without drastic changes to who we are as a person. For this reason, I also try not to "forget" experiences. Neither good nor bad. I try to only forget what is natural, but not to force myself to forget.
This example might not be the best, but I'll try it anyway. Our mind can't retain everything we experience. Some things we naturally forget. What we ate for breakfast 6 weeks ago. What color shoes we wore on the second week of 5th grade. We forget these things. But some things we should not forget. These things, like it or not, have shaped us. When we forget those things we lose a peice of ourselves and begin to forget what made us into who we are and we can soon forget who we are.
Because of this perspective I would not change anything in my life. Instead, I choose to feel the joy or pain of my experiences and allow myself to remember with fondness or heal over time from those events. I won't choose to forget. I won't worry if I made the right choice. I won't change anything that already happened.
I will look to the future and hope to make the best choices I can based off the experiences I've had up to this point. I will hope to shape the best outcome for my future and appreciate the past that brought me to this present.
I am not a therapist. Not a doctor. I'm not here to tell you how to live. I'm simply saying that this is how I've chosen to live and experience my life. And for this reason, I'd change nothing.
-Kevin Risatti
